As a psychotherapist I know that a lot of people are looking for help with their low self-confidence/self-esteem. What this essentially means, is that they have this voice inside of them, telling them that they are not good enough or even worse, bad people at the core.
Some signs and symptoms of people with low self-esteem
- Keeping away from socializing
- Emotional dysregualtion (lots of ups and downs in mood, related to people’s remarks)
- Feeling uncomfortable upon receiving a compliment
- Taking criticism very badly
- Being overly harsh with yourself
- Being preoccupied with what others think of you
- Treating others very nicely but yourself not so
- Excessively apologizing
- Avoiding challenges and hence self development in many areas
- Trusting others much more than yourself
- Being addicted to love
Why have I got low self-confidence?
Here is the some healthy coping skills and causes of low self-esteem and self-confidence is rooted in your childhood. If you were hurt and made to feel that you are worthless, it would make sense that you would take that belief with you into adulthood. The reason for that, is that as a child you don’t yet possess a critical mind.
You can’t think ‘my father must be having a tough day and he doesn’t really mean what he is saying’. For that reason, if your parents or caregivers were overly critical and especially if there was sexual, physical or emotional abuse, you may end up suffering from a low self-image which is what we call low self-esteem. Appearing to the outside world as if you are not wounded, will feel fake and you may constantly have this feeling that others can see through you.
This feeling is extremely unpleasant and may get you to avoid people and withdraw from places and people where you don’t feel at ease. Whilst this strategy could give you temporary relief, long term, it will deteriorate your emotional well-being.
The reason for that is, that you will tend to become self-critical and criticising yourself for being the way you are. That way of thinking and self-talk makes you feel even worse with yourself.
Emotional neglect in childhood
This form of childhood maltreatment often gets overlooked. This form occurs in people who would say that they had an overall positive childhood yet something was missing. They didn’t get abused or overtly hurt but they didn’t get their needs met either. Basic childhood needs are;
- To be validated
- Respect for privacy
- To be encouraged
- To be given permission to make mistakes and to learn from them
- To be loved
- To receive empathy
- To be complimented
- To to be given permission to enjoy life
- To be made to feel important
- To be given appropriate feedback when necessary
- To live in a peaceful, warm, and kind atmosphere/environment
These are just some of the core needs of a child. If you have not been getting these, then you may constantly feel an inner emptiness which continuously wants to be filled. Low self-esteem and low self-confidence could be a result. The child feels somehow (as an adult too) that he/she is not deserving of the their needs/wishes and desires.
It is as if you are ‘less’ than other people. Although intellectually, you may know that there is no reason to think that way, it is still there. It is as if, it is stronger than yourself and this inner conflict is very typical for those that suffer from low self esteem.
Healing childhood neglect
Healing childhood neglect is absolutely necessary for someone that would like to increase their self esteem. Often, having tried to feel better, people have been focusing on their strengths, and you may have done the same. This is very good but unfortunately for those whose low self-esteem results from a negative childhood, deep inside you still feel this nagging pain of not being worthy enough.
You deserve better! You can feel better if you allow yourself to heal from your childhood pain.
Throughout these blogs, I’ll be taking you through the various steps so that you can allow yourself to heal from wounds of your past. I’ll explain more how they took place, why they wounded you so much, why you feel the way you do and how you can heal from childhood neglect of different kinds and feel self-confident in your adult life.
As a first step, start noticing and noting down whenever you do one of these avoidance behaviours that are typical for those with low self-esteem. Scroll back to see the list and notice when you do them. Become more aware of the actions that you do or avoid in order not to face the pain of your low-self esteem.
I have seen many of my clients benefit from an audio pack which are very helpful to increase low self-esteem. In the pack you get a 5 downloads: 1) Building self-esteem 2) Stop self-blame 3) Self-acceptance 4) Overcome insecurity 5) Inferiority complex. By listening to these hypnosis downloads every day (as you are falling asleep), the subliminal messages are embedded into your subconscious mind. After a short while you will start to feel your self-esteem increase. Here is the link to gain access to your downloads: